the wharf rat
2014-05-17 01:28:54 UTC
Motorcycles are really cool. Girls don't like me because I'm small but
they like motorcycles. They are also sometimes impressed when
diminutive guys say philosophical things from books while putting on a
deep thoughtful attitude, oh and when they use mannerisms that push
everyone away. I think that's called being aloof.
I'm old now but as a young adult I learned that no matter how serious I
tried to act by talking about engines and quoting philosophy that girls
would still ridicule me behind my back. My dad bought me a motorcycle
and after adjusting the footrests for my small size I found that I could
not only pretend to be cool but ignore everyone who was ignoring me, and
no one could tell who was ignoring who. It was perfect.
Unfortunately this only worked while I was riding my motorcycle. There
would inevitably come those moments when I had to dismount to take care
of business and that's when the facade stopped working.
You can make one hell of a show out of getting off of a motorcycle and
then strolling - all decked out in your leathers and the rest of the
silly costume - from your bike to a doorway. You can end the ritual of
oiled leather and studs by pretending to be just as dazed from the inner
trappings of a business establishment as you are from adjusting to the
sudden change in lighting. You can strut and pose as Mr. Outlaw
Easyrider all you like, but it all falls apart as soon you have to talk
to someone. You can't exactly ignore professional people when you're
the one trying to get their attention.
Then there's a similar problem: Those who philosophize everything into
one of life's questions aren't exactly using the proper vernacular for
most daily interactions. They are as annoying as the
carpenter/plumber/mechanic who translates every conversation into
something equivalent to buying the right part for something that he's
trying to fix.
So the biker image and act became a great crutch for my social failures
but a major hindrance to the rest of my life. But my brain was thinking
throughout all of this until I finally arrived at a solution that
blended my love of motorcycles and philosophy.
The solution? Become an anarchist!
Ignore everyone. Fuck people. Don't get involved in life. Pain and
disappointment are all products of religious indoctrination and having
laws. Strip the veneer off of everything and become a cynic.
Life can't really come after you. That's just a religious myth. Get a
place in small town America, go out only when you have to, read books
about the inevitability of everything and grumble ironically whenever
you can't get out of any obligation. That way you don't have to become
entangled with evil civilization and neither government or people can
screw or hurt you. Learn to use that middle finger. It works!
Dealing with others indirectly is safe. I'm not talking about no
Internet, TV, radio or mailbox. Relationships are ok too, but you have
to be selfish, suspicious and quick to get out. Your rule of thumb in
everything should be that if something seems nice then it's a lie, so
take a shit on it and move on. If it follows you then it's yours and
you've established the ground rules from that point on. If it doesn't
then it was never worth a damn bit of your time. Quick relationships
are better and homosexual relationships are best. People don't really
like you anyway. Use a buffer between yourself and others as much as
possible. Think of it like using a dealer to buy your weed.
As I began applying this new philosophy to my life I found that it was
a lot easier to handle my daily affairs than I thought it would be. For
one thing, these days the sheer volume of daily bullshit that can be
handled online instead of the slow, clunky old ways is a true miracle of
technology. I order way over 50% of things that I need over the
Internet. What I can't have sent to me I arrange to pick up and know
exactly when to get it. I decide how and when I want things. Other
types of day to day shit are also handled online without unnecessary,
asshole people as go betweens making my life hard.
I also found that I didn't have to sacrifice personal relationships in
the way that I thought I would need to. Online social networking is
another great buffer between you and the potentially dangerous psycho
who doesn't want to get the message: "Goodbye, I'm done with you."
Go Your Own Way
they like motorcycles. They are also sometimes impressed when
diminutive guys say philosophical things from books while putting on a
deep thoughtful attitude, oh and when they use mannerisms that push
everyone away. I think that's called being aloof.
I'm old now but as a young adult I learned that no matter how serious I
tried to act by talking about engines and quoting philosophy that girls
would still ridicule me behind my back. My dad bought me a motorcycle
and after adjusting the footrests for my small size I found that I could
not only pretend to be cool but ignore everyone who was ignoring me, and
no one could tell who was ignoring who. It was perfect.
Unfortunately this only worked while I was riding my motorcycle. There
would inevitably come those moments when I had to dismount to take care
of business and that's when the facade stopped working.
You can make one hell of a show out of getting off of a motorcycle and
then strolling - all decked out in your leathers and the rest of the
silly costume - from your bike to a doorway. You can end the ritual of
oiled leather and studs by pretending to be just as dazed from the inner
trappings of a business establishment as you are from adjusting to the
sudden change in lighting. You can strut and pose as Mr. Outlaw
Easyrider all you like, but it all falls apart as soon you have to talk
to someone. You can't exactly ignore professional people when you're
the one trying to get their attention.
Then there's a similar problem: Those who philosophize everything into
one of life's questions aren't exactly using the proper vernacular for
most daily interactions. They are as annoying as the
carpenter/plumber/mechanic who translates every conversation into
something equivalent to buying the right part for something that he's
trying to fix.
So the biker image and act became a great crutch for my social failures
but a major hindrance to the rest of my life. But my brain was thinking
throughout all of this until I finally arrived at a solution that
blended my love of motorcycles and philosophy.
The solution? Become an anarchist!
Ignore everyone. Fuck people. Don't get involved in life. Pain and
disappointment are all products of religious indoctrination and having
laws. Strip the veneer off of everything and become a cynic.
Life can't really come after you. That's just a religious myth. Get a
place in small town America, go out only when you have to, read books
about the inevitability of everything and grumble ironically whenever
you can't get out of any obligation. That way you don't have to become
entangled with evil civilization and neither government or people can
screw or hurt you. Learn to use that middle finger. It works!
Dealing with others indirectly is safe. I'm not talking about no
Internet, TV, radio or mailbox. Relationships are ok too, but you have
to be selfish, suspicious and quick to get out. Your rule of thumb in
everything should be that if something seems nice then it's a lie, so
take a shit on it and move on. If it follows you then it's yours and
you've established the ground rules from that point on. If it doesn't
then it was never worth a damn bit of your time. Quick relationships
are better and homosexual relationships are best. People don't really
like you anyway. Use a buffer between yourself and others as much as
possible. Think of it like using a dealer to buy your weed.
As I began applying this new philosophy to my life I found that it was
a lot easier to handle my daily affairs than I thought it would be. For
one thing, these days the sheer volume of daily bullshit that can be
handled online instead of the slow, clunky old ways is a true miracle of
technology. I order way over 50% of things that I need over the
Internet. What I can't have sent to me I arrange to pick up and know
exactly when to get it. I decide how and when I want things. Other
types of day to day shit are also handled online without unnecessary,
asshole people as go betweens making my life hard.
I also found that I didn't have to sacrifice personal relationships in
the way that I thought I would need to. Online social networking is
another great buffer between you and the potentially dangerous psycho
who doesn't want to get the message: "Goodbye, I'm done with you."
Go Your Own Way
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